I seem to spend a lot of time not being anybody in particular. Sometimes I enjoy this or at least find it intellectually interesting. Most of the time it is uncomfortable and lonely. My issue is that I thought I knew myself pretty well. I have always been introspective and interested in the capabilities of the mind to hide itself from, well, me. I have always felt parts of my makeup have been missing, but I had always felt like I was, I guess, complete. Then, after years of probing, I figure out I was primarily living a constructed lie and the real me lay beneath layers of psychological protection that I was unaware I had built. It is some pretty impressive stuff, if I do say so myself. Too bad there isn’t a market for my mad skills!
I seem to spend a lot of time not being anybody in particular. Sometimes I enjoy this or at least find it intellectually interesting. Most of the time it is uncomfortable and lonely. My issue is that I thought I knew myself pretty well. I have always been introspective and interested in the capabilities of the mind to hide itself from, well, me. I have always felt parts of my makeup have been missing, but I had always felt like I was, I guess, complete. Then, after years of probing, I figure out I was primarily living a constructed lie and the real me lay beneath layers of psychological protection that I was unaware I had built. It is some pretty impressive stuff, if I do say so myself. Too bad there isn’t a market for my mad skills!
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It is neigh impossibly hard to put into words the feelings that you hold in the deep recesses of your being. The place that makes you, you. In that essence we allow very few people access in our lifetime. This is the most intimate place of exchange. It is the only place real exchange can happen. It is the only place where true change can be affected in you by another person. Because of this power that most of us are not consciously aware of, but understand instinctually, we allow very few people this luxury. It is extremely dangerous, yet it is also the most rewarding. To open yourself so much that the yielding to another is ecstatic and you cannot bear the thought of it being any other way. Now imagine it is lost to you. |
Lasciel AnnwynnI am one of those. Yes, that kind. I poke around in the corners and lesser explored paths of life looking for it's mysteries. There is so much magic in the world when you open your perception to it. Look with eyes of wonder. Archives
April 2019
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