She walked along the path a little further, noting the richness of the sounds around her. They did not necessarily always grace her ears musically, as there were dissonant chords embedded, but the layers were pleasing. As she rounded the corner, she felt a disquiet mounting like a shadow slowly consuming a room. Ahead were forks in the footpath. As she gazed forward, there was no view to be had as to where either led, for both were concealed behind the fullness of the wood. She was struck suddenly by a realization. She had begun along a familiar course, but somewhere along the way, unbeknownst to her, she had become lost.
She walked along the path a little further, noting the richness of the sounds around her. They did not necessarily always grace her ears musically, as there were dissonant chords embedded, but the layers were pleasing. As she rounded the corner, she felt a disquiet mounting like a shadow slowly consuming a room. Ahead were forks in the footpath. As she gazed forward, there was no view to be had as to where either led, for both were concealed behind the fullness of the wood. She was struck suddenly by a realization. She had begun along a familiar course, but somewhere along the way, unbeknownst to her, she had become lost. The fullness of her will and intellect brought down upon this circumstance did nothing to alleviate the fear growing within her. There were no guiding stones upon either way forward, nor could she be sure that retracing her steps would bring her to familiar ground. This was the most uncomfortable intuition of all. In fact, she was certain that, somehow, that which she once knew to be true, wasn’t. She was not even able to easily pierce the growing dread that began permeating every inch of her spirit. The dissonant chords began to overtake the melodious; the darkening wood seemed to be a reflection of her internal state. She knelt and let the shadows have her.
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Initiatory work sucks. I mean that in the nicest way possible. It is just that the work itself is quite difficult. The self-analysis; seeking the next great internal vista to explore; finding new and varied pitfalls, some of which are very deep and require considerable effort to climb out of; licking wounds and healing from said experience of stepping off a cliff. The list goes on. Those of you who walk this path understand this well. Those of you about to embark on this type of journey, you have been given fair warning. Those of you who have never considered this, well, now is your opportunity. With all of this being said, I would like to take that context and talk about my mother.
In the dark, you wander aimlessly, at least when you dare take a step. It is the crippling fear, no, not fear, terror, that both creates lack of movement and simultaneously, movement out of necessity. I have written in the past about the Void, about the darkness and its value as exploration. Looking into the abyss to find what lives there. To crawl beneath the surface of our own existence to see what lies in the shadow. In a sense, to become whole. I wagered that experimenting by projecting myself into the utter desolation and darkness of space, or finding a lightless room, or oven working with submerging beneath enough water (or water at night) would bring me closer to the sheer terror that would create light out of the darkness. I seem to have projected my focus much to narrow. It is not the only way.
Intersections are about choices. They are about focus and direction. Which road is the one that will lead to your desired destination? Are there multiple ways to get where you are going? Does one direction look like it will alter you in more significant ways than another, yet lead you to the same place? More importantly, and this is key, do you even have a destination? This idea is part of the nuance of the crossroads. It is the conjunction of choice and opportunity.
It is impossible, I say with a cutesy grin on my face. Truly. A friend of mine asked how you survive the Dark Night of the Soul (referred to as DNotS from here). The simple answer is you don’t. Your body likely will make it through, though that is never a guarantee. The purpose of the DNotS being to alchemically change the core of your being, not everyone physically survives it (though, I have only sporadically heard of cases where suicide was the end result and those are few and far between) and a great many more suffer psychological breakdown (this being the more common occurrence where a nervous breakdown happens or there is so drastic a change their lives fall completely apart). I am, by no means, an expert in this and if you are actively aware you are going through this process and are feeling like you are tipping over the edge, I would strongly recommend you seek professional council. I do (though, full disclosure, it is for symptoms related to this process, not because of the process itself). There is no shame in this. So, when I talk about surviving the DNotS, what I mean is that you don’t come out the other side a raving lunatic. The person who enters this process will, in fact, die. That person will never come out. Someone else will.
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Lasciel AnnwynnI am one of those. Yes, that kind. I poke around in the corners and lesser explored paths of life looking for it's mysteries. There is so much magic in the world when you open your perception to it. Look with eyes of wonder. Archives
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