So, what do you do with it? By this I mean, you have worked magic. You have found out that all the awesome Harry Potter flash bang pyrotechnics are not what magic is all about. You have discovered that the majority of the work revolves around self-change, self-knowledge, and understanding your role and place in the grand scheme of things. There is less of the veneer on the world and reality, as it stands, is far plainer. You are fooled less by language and the machinations of others. However, this comes at a price. You do not know who or where your place is. At this point, there is cause for celebration. You have to realize that not many make it this far. Once people discover that the occult/magic isn’t full of fireballs, making money actually grow on trees, or any number of fantasy special effects/results they give up. Truth be told, they usually give up very quickly because they do not do the requisite research and think about why they are doing it in the first place. Without understanding the proper requirements (as I have laid out the framework in previous installments) any magical endeavor is doomed to fail before it even gets going. If you have gotten so far as to acknowledge that you are not the same person, that the world doesn’t look like it used to, that the shiny, distracting veneer of contemporary society looks a bit tarnished, then you are on the right track. No one said this was easy or that it was fun.
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I preface this commentary with the fact that I am not a Christian nor do I believe in the Christian concept of God or what would be defined as a RHP (right hand path) belief pattern. If you do not know what RHP means, by all means, take the opportunity to look it up. Don’t get me wrong, the Bible is full of terrific allegory and mythology. Because so much of societal construct is predicated on this particular work, it is quite valuable to be, at the very least, knowledgeable about it. Knowledge is a wonderful thing that, through alchemy, becomes wisdom which is an even greater power. Alchemy, as a philosophical approach and as a science, is a healthy endeavor. With that out of the way, I wrestle with angels. In Genesis, there is a story about a man named Jacob who spent an evening wrestling with an angel. Because of his tenacity and the fact he could not be bested, the angel blessed him and renamed him Israel. Jacob struggled mightily against his foe, but would not relent. In the face of such power, divine or not, most people would have crumbled. However, there was something inside Jacob that pushed him, drove him to never back down. Magicians are scientists. I probably just offended a whole bunch of people, but, there you are. I know you all worked very hard on getting a degree in mathematics, computer science, physics, chemistry, and so on. For me to put myself in the same league is both pretentious (you know, it is not easy coming up with ten dollar words on only a single cup of morning tea) and wrong. I get that. You know, I have a degree in computer science too, but that is neither here nor there. Bear with me. You see, here’s the thing; we all know or can at least easily find out, what scientists are doing. They have their laboratories, funding from universities, and publications that allow us to have visibility to the work being done. You know why that is? It’s because they are not ridiculed by having that visibility. It’s okay for them to put out theories, even if those theories are outlandish and speculative. Hell, half of the ideas coming out in physics sounds more magical than anything I could have come up with. There is a level of respect they wrap themselves up in.
There is always a tipping point. I don’t know when it will happen, just that it is as inevitable as my basement flooding every spring from snow melt, and causing my sump pump to go off every 15 minutes creating this lovely sleep deficit I am attempting to bull through. Anyway, every trangender, at some point, has to let go of the life they had known. Well, I should say those of us who have reached this point in our adulthood. I love the life I built. I love the person I share my life with. This is the single hardest act I have had to work through because it is not willfully caused and yet I have to overhaul most everything. There is no one to blame and I did not ask for this, yet I am looked upon as a pariah by a large part of contemporary society. It is easy for others to just say, “Well, live with it. You don’t have to change!” Um, yeah, right. Sure, I don’t have to change. I can just live miserably with this dissonance inside my mind which makes life pretty much unbearable. So, while you could technically say I don’t have to, in the vast majority of transgender cases, we have to. You can’t live your life to the fullest if you are not actually living your life. You might just as well be dead, which explains why the suicide rate is so high among transgenders. What I come back to is that, really, it is not my problem that other people cannot handle the non-black and white nature of the world. It is not on me to help them come to conclusions, it is all on them. They have to do the work. They have to come to an understanding and if they are too lazy or to ignorant there is nothing I can do and it is not a reflection on me. Now, it is easy for me to say that, but the reality is, other people’s ignorance can directly affect me through passive aggressive actions or direct violence. I can only take solace in the fact that I am a good person, parent, spouse, contributing member of a society that has difficulty tolerating the likes of me. I like to think that I am special. I like to think that I am brave. However, I really only want to be another person walking down the sidewalk as anonymous in society as everybody else. I want to live a life that is quiet, reflective, full of love, memory, exploration of life’s mysteries, and peaceful. This is not the life that I have to look forward to. Perhaps, if you believe in the idea of fate, which I really don’t, I could say that I am needed as an instrument of instruction. Nature is not as simple as people would like it to be. The world is not dualistic. It is multifaceted. There are far more shades of gray than make people comfortable so they willfully live in ignorance and challenge those of us who fall into those shades of gray with arguments full of fallacy and fear. We do not wish to argue. We do not wish to challenge anyone else’s way of life. What we want is the right to be who we are meant to be and for others to simply acknowledge that we are people to who want nothing more than to live out our lives in peace and prosperity just like everyone else.
From the annals of personal experience. Your results may vary. Initiatory results. Yeah! That is what we want from all of the effort you put into the magic that you do. Results! Very often you have to wait for them. I know many magicians seem to be fortunate and get perceptible action relatively soon after a Working. That is not typical of me and I wish to only pursue in this discussion that which I know. It means a little more if I can pull items out of my recordings and say this is how results typically manifest for me. I can say with complete confidence that they almost never manifest the way I expect them too. Magic is fickle. You need to be pretty specific in order to wind up in the ballpark of what you are looking for. You may think, ah, that’s easy! I want more money and I want it to come via a raise at my job! It doesn’t get more specific than that! Um, I hate to break it to you love, but you have to take into account one little item you might not be considering. What’s that, you ask? I am glad you did; you’re subconscious.
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Lasciel AnnwynnI am one of those. Yes, that kind. I poke around in the corners and lesser explored paths of life looking for it's mysteries. There is so much magic in the world when you open your perception to it. Look with eyes of wonder. Archives
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