I write a lot of what seems to be angst riddled posts. I don’t want to give the impression that my life sucks. My life is hard, at least right now. There is a lot I am dealing with and it is certainly going to be rough sailing going forward. Yet, overall I would put my life more in the category of “interesting”. It has meandered down some very intriguing paths that I never saw coming. I am not in danger of walking through life “asleep” nor have the typical white picket fence and 2.5 children type of life. Speaking of 2.5, who the heck decided not to round that number? Yeah, I would like a half a kid please. The tough choice being, do I slice lengthwise or widthwise? At any rate, I was thinking about my past and up wandered the first time I really tried to work magic.
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Your memory is a funny thing. We are all convinced that what we remember is, in fact, true to every clear detail. It has become increasingly clear through scientific study that memory is not as permanent or objective as we would like to think. Heck, I play the memory game with my family and it is clear that some of the things that I remember, each of the individuals that were present seem to recall it differently, though ever so slightly it might be. We like to package our experiences up in many different ways. We wrap some up and tuck them away. Some of them we embellish with ribbons and bows. Others we twist ever so slightly to put ourselves in better light. Some, we throw away entirely, or so we think. This last one is one I would like to bring out.
It is the inflexibility that really gets to me. I am fine with someone being intolerant of another’s position or state so long as they have given it considered thought, weighed it against how they live and the framework of their ethics and morals, and then decide to walk away without damage to either party. Why can’t it be so? Is there some reason that disparagement, banishment, or, in worst case, violence is necessary? What is accomplished here?
Ah, the inspired piece of writing. I do so love when I am inundated with gorgeous pieces of writing that have me stewing in my thoughts, raging in my dreams, and trying to find the intersections between the concepts I currently hold and the notions put forth that make sense and resonate. What’s more challenging are those thoughts that directly stand in opposition to thoughts I presently hold to be true. This is where the real value stands. Taking your own assumptions and weighing their merits and seeing if they fall before the newly considered notion. So, I owe a debt of gratitude to Antti and Lloyd. For those who are interested in the concept of Vastness, of which I have written in the past, I am going back to it. It is a rather intriguing topic that I could consider indefinitely. It is a horrifying notion. Read any Lovecraft story revolving around the Old Ones, watch early Hellraiser films or perhaps grab some popcorn and have a viewing of Event Horizon. On second thought, you might want to skip the eats.
Internal struggles are so difficult. I want so much to give the one I love most what she wants and I know I can’t. It is a bit like being trapped. I have to accept that I can only fight so long. She tells me to give in because she sees how much I struggle and how much it hurts. She has accepted the inevitable, as much as she doesn’t want to, and I can see it in her eyes, but it still hurts me.
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Lasciel AnnwynnI am one of those. Yes, that kind. I poke around in the corners and lesser explored paths of life looking for it's mysteries. There is so much magic in the world when you open your perception to it. Look with eyes of wonder. Archives
April 2019
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